An Apple A Day

Your friend asked you for an apple once. You gladly obliged. He asked again the next day. You gave another. Assuming his insatiable desire for apples was constant, you just began bringing him an apple every day. 

Every. Single. Day.

At some point early on in the apple-giving, he began thinking, “This is awesome! All the apples I could ever want!“ Eventually, he just stopped asking you for apples. He began to expect it.

Monday. Apple.

Tuesday. Apple.

Wednesday. Apple.

The longer your apple supply lasted, the more he began to think: "He must have an entire apple orchard of his own! Where in the world does he get all these amazing apples? Is there no end to this apply supply?"

As the daily delivery of apples continued though, not only would your friend probably never ask you for one again, at some point he might even grow tired of apples. Like, “I don’t ever want to see another apple again!” kind of tired. Then one day, you brought him an apple and he said, “No thanks. I can’t handle any more apples.” 

Wait a minute. What!? 

Your feelings were crushed. "What’s the matter with my apples?” you thought. Are they sour? Rotten? Mealy? Too sweet? Not crisp enough? Why in the world did he not want an apple? MY apple?

Opinions are a lot like apples.

Think about it. 

Boundaries

Boundary (n.) - a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line

Everywhere you go, there are boundaries. Driving down the road, walking on a trail, running down the football field. You get my drift. Boundaries keep us safe. They bring definition. They determine what’s in or out; permissible or inappropriate. The problem and difficulty with some boundaries though, is that they’re invisible. 

You have to have wisdom and discernment to know that they’re there.

And then, you have to have the respect and the humility to honor them.

There are boundaries and limits to how fully and effectively we can invest ourselves. I can only give so much of my time and energy and focus and attention to so many things in a given day. I have to learn to say, “No." "No" is a boundary in and of itself.

The scriptures are full of boundaries. The Book of Proverbs is a heartfelt plea from King Solomon to his sons to pay attention to the boundaries that the Lord has made clear. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus took the legal boundaries of the Law and explained that God intended for them to go even deeper and deeper. Paul told Timothy to “flee from sin” and temptation. Don’t see how close you can get. See how far away you can run from it!

You need boundaries in your relationships as well. Every relationship. [Except the one between you & God. But that’s a whole separate blogpost for another day!] There are conversations we’ve been invited into. Others we have not. There are other relationships where our presence is welcomed in the middle. There are others where this is not the case. There are things we should and should not say to, do with, or even expect from others. There are boundaries. Do you know that they’re there? Are you looking for them? 

One of the best books I have ever read - and I’ve read a few books - is Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud. This book is a goldmine, packed with valuable treasure that will sharpen how you look at other people, converse and relate with them, and what you expect from them (&) your understanding of what they should expect from you. I want to share with you a few things Dr. Cloud says in Boundaries that will shed some light on the subject:

“We can't manipulate people into swallowing our boundaries by sugarcoating them. Boundaries are a "litmus test" for the quality of our relationships. Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions, our separateness. Those who can't respect our boundaries are telling us that they don't love our nos. They only love our yeses, our compliance. "I only like it when you do what I want.” 

“When we can’t hold back, or set boundaries, on what comes from our lips, our words are in charge—not us. But we are still responsible for those words. Our words do not come from somewhere outside of us, as if we were a ventriloquist’s dummy. They are the product of our hearts. Our saying, “I didn’t mean that,” is probably better translated, “I didn’t want you to know I thought that about you.” We need to take responsibility for our words. “But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken” (Matt. 12:36).” 

“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options. Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices. You are the one who makes them. You are the one who must live with their consequences. And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with. We must own our own thoughts and clarify distorted thinking.” 

If there is currently tension in a relationship in your life, it could very well be the result of hazy, undefined, or even nonexistent boundaries. Is there someone who needs to hear you say, “No”? Is there someone who needs to know that their expectations over you are unrealistic? Or - harder yet - are there boundaries that you’re crossing over in your relationship with someone else? If so, are you willing to step back, take a realistic look, lower your defenses, and love them enough to honor that invisible fence?

Other than the Lord, is there anyone else who's controlling your life?

The Bible Question

In Acts 2:42, Luke tells us that as the very first New Testament church is beginning and growing. As this happens, he says that the people "devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching..." Literally, they devoted themselves to the Word of God. A couple of weeks ago, as I was preaching through this text, I brought up an issue and question that I've harped on before. I expressed my confusion and perplexion at how and why so many Christians come to "church" without their Bible. If we are (at least in part) gathering to "devote ourselves to the Word of God", it begs the question, "Why would you show up without your Bible?" Is this not like going to class without your textbook - except maybe a bit more important? It opens up a big can of worms that is worth addressing and raises some questions that are definitely worth asking and answering. I hope you'll prayerfully consider these things and add to the conversation.

Let's readdress what I'll call The Bible Question:
Why would a Christian come to study the Bible without their Bible?

The first possible answer to this question is APATHY. While we would love for it to be true that everyone who calls himself a Christian is indeed a genuine follower of Jesus Christ, we know that this is just not the case here in North America. It's still actually cultural for many people to "go to church" on a Sunday morning, mindlessly ignoring WHY they are even going. To be clear with the words from Acts, they have not really given much thought to "devoting themselves" to the Word of God. They ultimately don't care.

That said, I refuse to believe that the first explanation is an accurate description of most worship service attenders, much less Christians. So what else could it be? Another possibility is that we've been swayed and enabled by TECHNOLOGY. Let me be very specific with what I mean by this. I know that there are quite a few people who have transitioned to using a digital Bible - like the YouVersion app. (While I cannot personally make that transition - nor do I want to - I'm not going to hold that over someone else's head if they have.) That's not what I'm aiming at when I say technology. Several years ago, as we moved to using screens in our worship services, we put up lyrics to songs and scriptures. Over time, I think a lot of people just became dependent on this. Now it's not just a dependency, but an expectation. To me, this moves into an argument that bridges countless subjects. The debate rages on: Just because we can do something, does that mean we should? Just because we've invented and created the means (technology) to do something, does that automatically make it beneficial? I don't think so. Is it possible that we've been enabling and fostering biblical ignorance and even illiteracy? I ask this because I sadly believe there are many people sitting in our congregations today - men and women who have been "Christians" for several years - who don't even know where certain books of the Bible are or where many scriptures they've known all their lives are even located. Has technology enabled this? It's quite possible.

Then of course there are those who (for whatever reason) have either not been given or been able to purchase a Bible of their own. All I can say to that is, at The Brook, if we know anyone in that position, we will put a Bible in their hands that day. It's theirs! We can fix that problem really quickly.

So the first question was mine:
Why would a Christian come to study the Bible without their Bible?

Now allow me, on behalf of others, to turn the question sideways:
Why should a Christian come to study the Bible with their Bible?

Let's make it even plainer in North American, Western Church terms:
Why should I bring my Bible to church?

Great question. I'm glad someone asked it.
To begin with, responding to some of what I was alluding to about technology, if you are a child of God - a follower of Christ - then you are by nature of your new spiritual life, a student of the Word of God. You are also a messenger of the Good News of the gospel. Not only that, as the "temple of the Holy Spirit" (1 Corinthians 6:19), your life has ultimately become an altar for the Word of God to be revered and adored. And as Paul declares that the Word of God is "the sword of the Spirit" (Ephesians 6:17), we understand that the Bible is the tool by which the Holy Spirit comforts, convicts, guides, leads, and instructs us. Taking all of that into account, every time the body of Christ gathers to "devote themselves" to the Word of God, it's an opportunity for you & me to do just that: redevote and recommit myself to the scriptures - to the life-giving, life-changing words of the Living Word of God. It furthers my discipline to be in the Word. DISCIPLINE

I was reminded by a friend in conversation the other day that another consideration in this matter of having my Bible in my hands and in front of my eyes while someone is preaching from it is the opportunity for the Spirit to bring to mind and memory something He has already taught me. For instance, my friend mentioned how there have been numerous times I was preaching, and while I was reading a scripture, the Holy Spirit brought to his mind something he had read or learned earlier in the week. Or maybe even much earlier in life. The Lord reaffirmed for him something that he needed to hear, read, and be reminded of that, quite honestly, had nothing to do with what I was preaching. Don't underestimate for a second the life-changing, mind-transforming possibilities of what the Spirit can do when we have the Word in front of our eyes and our hearts and open. AFFIRMATION

There are probably many more arguments, points, and reasons why this is important. I just want to give attention to one more.

When I see a United States Marine or Green Beret or Army Ranger in full uniform, I have no question about what they're devoted to. They have given their life to the service of their country and to the cause of freedom. They are fully committed and all in.

When your son, daughter, neice, nephew, grandchild, next door neighbor, or whoever it is sees the Word of God open on your kitchen table, on your nightstand, out on the bed, or (naturally) in your hands as you are on your way to gather with the people of God, it will make a very clear statement as to what your life is devoted to. It's a nonverbal declaration of why you're headed to gather as the Body of Christ. Our reasons are the same as the church in Acts:
"And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teachings..." DEVOTION

Here at The Brook, we are challenging our people over the next weeks to tangibly, intentionally, and expectantly to come to gather as the Body of Christ with the Word of God in their hands. We are praying that as a result, it will be embedded into our hearts!

The More Important Question

Disclaimer: This is not a post about my thoughts on gun control. Without a doubt I have thoughts and opinions, but that’s not my aim or goal here. I actually believe “gun control” is creating a smoke screen in front of an even bigger issue. That’s the conversation I want to have.

In the wake of another school shooting – the worst in several years – the issue of gun control has not only once again come up, but seems to be taking over. Students are taking to the streets, demanding that the government do something that will prevent another one of their peers from arming himself, walking onto a campus, and firing at will. The “problem” that the louder masses seem to keep pointing to is “gun control”. What this means is, the question or issue that’s being elevated above all others is HOW. How did this student go about carrying out what he did? 

Some things to consider:

After Stephen Paddock (a middle-aged man, known to struggle with anxiety & depression) opened fire on a crowded concert last year in Las Vegas, the question that was being asked was HOW. How - or by what manner – did this man carry out his plot to randomly execute innocent people? With guns.

In April 2007, Seung Hui Cho, (known to have a history of mental illness) came onto the Virginia Tech campus where he was a senior - close to graduating from college - and opened fire on his classmates and teachers. The biggest question asked in the aftermath was HOW. How did he arm himself like this? How did someone like this get all these guns?

After Adam Lanza (a 20-year old mentally ill man) walked into Sandy Hook Elementary School and began shooting innocent children and teachers, the question that dominated the news and the media was HOW. How did he get access to these guns?

The question that is continually shoved to the forefront in these instances is HOW.

It’s not really a question, so much, as it is the overt point being made.

When guns are involved, that’s always the question, the focus, and the point.

I would submit to you that this is causing the more important question to be ignored and left unanswered. I believe in these instances, and those like them, the more important question that should be getting our collective attention is WHY.

WHY?

When Timothy McVeigh detonated a van filled with explosives in front of the Federal Building in Oklahoma City in 1995, killing 150+ innocent people, the question that we demanded be answered was WHY. Why would he kill all these innocent people?

When terrorist flew airplanes into the World Trade Center & the Pentagon - even though this was the first incident of this magnitude involving a hijacking - the question that everyone still had burning in the consciences was WHY.

When suicide bombers walk into crowded plazas, taking their own lives while taking the lives of others with them, the question we can’t get out of our brains is why. Even though we already know the answer - They believe that their quickest way to “heaven” is by killing the infidel - taking the life of anyone who’s not a Muslim - we still want to know: Why would anyone do this? WHY?

Why? It’s the question that we as humans are most prone to want answered.

Except with guns. When guns are involved, the focus seems to always move to HOW. Why is that?

Again, this is the point where the debate usually sets off over gun control. I don’t care to walk down that path in this post. For one, we seem to be going in circles over some of what surrounds that conversation anyways, but I also believe (as I’ve already stated) that it’s prohibiting and distracting America from the larger conversation and question of WHY. So let me pose the question even more directly:

WHY do we continue to have men - almost all of whom are found to suffer from some degree of mental illness - walk into schools, theaters, and churches and begin to open fire on innocent people? What is causing this? Are there contributing factors involved? Is there a pattern or common denominator? WHY does this keep happening?

Parkland. Las Vegas. Orlando. Sandy Hook. Aurora. Littleton. WHY?

IGNORING MENTAL ILLNESS

One reason is that we have a mental illness issue in America. What I mean by that is a couple of things. First off, we don’t have nearly enough professionals willing to weigh into the deep waters with those who suffer from mental illness. And many of the ones we do have very readily just throw medication at the problems - treat the HOW - rather than digging to the root of the cause - the WHY. The number of kids today who are quickly diagnosed with ADHD or OCD or anger issues is astronomical. The number of them who are diagnosed and almost immediately medicated is also astronomical. Is anyone asking WHY?

Along with that, there still somehow continues to be a stigma surrounding mental illness that causes most of us to be very reluctant to allow anyone to know that we suffer from things like anxiety or depression. [I just wrote a post about that HERE.] This has to stop. 

IGNORING RED FLAGS

The majority of the men who perpetrate these crimes are found to not only suffer from some degree of mental illness, but we also learn that somewhere along the way “so & so saw red flags, but did nothing about them.” The FBI essentially had their work done for them with Nikolas Cruz, and they still ignored it. They were warned about his behavior and his threats. They’ve already admitted they dropped the ball. There’s no room for dropping the ball anymore. If there’s a red flag at the beach, you go into the water at your own risk. If there’s a red flag that someone might be dangerous to the population at large, more than one life is usually at stake.

IGNORING THINGS THAT MAKE US UNCOMFORTABLE OR REQUIRE US TO CHANGE

Do you know why there isn’t a rally or protest going on full of teenage white guys, demanding that video games putting people into the role of first-person-murderer be taken off the shelf? Because that would demand that they stop playing those games. 

Do you know why there aren’t parents demanding that happen? Because many parents have become too lazy to pay attention to the games their sons are playing. They don’t check their text messages. They don’t check their computers. They have no idea what their 15 or 16 year-old son is looking at, watching, being influenced by, listening to, or following and chasing after. In order to do that, it would require a lot of work. It might require a whole different lifestyle. It might demand that your kid look and act different from all his “friends”. These are uncomfortable conversations. These things might requires us to change rather than to blame.

On another note, almost every single person who commits these crimes has at some point expressed feelings of being an outcast, outsider, or reject. On the one hand, we can’t control other people’s feelings. On the other hand, we can live a life of intentionality to show compassion, to listen, and to acknowledge those who are different than us. Yes, it requires work on our part. It demands that we surface out of our little bubble that we can all very easily become trapped in of the world revolving around us. It’s actually mind-blowing that there are still kids being bullied and ostracized today, in this world of NO BULLYING. I guess that goes to show you how effectively regulating something can be. There’s a bigger problem going on.

IGNORING THINGS WE CAN CONTROL, BLAMING THINGS WE CAN’T

As human beings, we always want someone or something to blame. 

We would much rather be angry and hostile than broken and grieving.

We would much rather be able to point and place all the blame on something that is a little bit outside our circle than acknowledge that the beast might have been hiding in our own closet.

It’s perplexing to me that I have not seen one person on TV or in an interview about last week’s shooting in Parkland, Florida, angrily or harshly or with fire in their eyes saying something like, “I hope that this kid spends the rest of his life rotting in jail for what he did!” Maybe I missed it, but I haven’t heard anyone attached to this incident say anything about him, period. Just guns. All the blame has been on guns.

I actually expect you at this point to call me out: Wait a minute, Brian. You said this wasn’t about gun control. You’re right. And that’s my point. Ultimately, it’s not. It’s about something deeper and bigger and scarier.

I remember about 10-15 years ago, when we were in the height of people screaming about how horrible SUV’s were for the environment - they suck so much gas - they take up so much room - blah blah blah - that I would repeatedly hear on the news things like this:" A woman and her child were run down by an SUV last night in a crosswalk.” Wait. What? No, actually they were run down by a middle-aged, irresponsible drunk man. He was driving an SUV. He could have been driving a Corvette. Or a Prius. The issue wasn’t a SUV. It was drunk drivers. 

There is something bigger and more important going on here than guns. I’m not saying we need to ignore the HOW, but we’ve got to begin answering the WHY. 

What did the Prohibition do? It heightened alcoholism. It massively heightened crime.

Drugs are illegal in most states in this country. People still find them, buy them, and abuse them.

My friend would steal his dad’s Playboy magazines and hide them under his mattress. Boys today don’t know what Playboy is, but they know what porn is. It’s all over the internet. If they want to find it bad enough, they will. I would love (and I pray) for the evil smut to be erased from the face of this earth! Go ahead and ban it. That’s fine with me. But I’m telling you, men will find it. 

WHY?

The heart is deceitful above all things. The heart is sinful and set against God. Only through Jesus Christ - through the power of His Spirit and His Word and through the victory that He’s given us over sin and death - will we find answers. 

It begins with the problem of SIN. It’s only solved through the answer of JESUS.

I encourage you to ask WHY. I’m praying that this conversation somehow turns to WHY.

Please join me in praying for the community, families, friends, classmates, and teachers of the victims in Parkland, Florida.  

It's Not That Simple

A few days ago, I was honestly caught off guard when I read this tweet from Desiring God:

After several minutes of prayerful consideration, I decided to respond/reply. Here's what I said:

In no way did I expect a response from Desiring God. That said, I didn't expect to receive so many words of thanks & affirmation from others over having the same reaction toward this statement. The problem with it (as I attempted to address in my response) is that mental health issues - whether it be anxiety, depression, or something even deeper or more severe - and more specifically their roots & causes - are way to numerous & complex to think that simply "fixing our eyes on the strength and beauty of God" will bring resolution. And moreover, the painful piece of this statement is the implication & idea that mental health issues begin with some sort of vain, narcissistic case of "staring in the mirror". I'm just not sure how you even have the audacity to write, type, say, or even think such a thing.

This morning, once again, another preacher has posted one more reckless, haphazard statement about depression:

Please don't misunderstand me for a second: there is no time in my life that I have leaned harder, dug deeper, and more desperately meditated over the Word of God than when I have walked through valleys of anxiety & depression. I don't know that I would have been able to keep walking without knowing that the Lord is "with me". That His "rod & staff" are the only things that comfort me. Here's the thing: Depression is NOT a result of "spiritual starvation". Anyone who makes this statement has obviously never truly struggled or wrestled with it. I'm no scientist & I am certainly not a doctor, but I do know that depression & anxiety (as I have dealt with them) are the result of a war going on between cortisol, dopamine & serotonin in my brain. When I had an anxiety attack last May, as the fight or flight trigger in my brain went off, cortisol is released, which begins telling the serotonin, "Hey, we don't need you guys right now. Take a break. Brian will be fine without you!" Serotonin believes it and hibernates. My heart races. My knees get weak. My mind fixates on one thing and won't let go of it. And the next thing you know...you're awake all night. And when you don't get sleep, it sets your mind, body, soul and brain up to be even more vulnerable than the day before.

I should make sure & clarify at this point that these moments - these nights filled with sleeplessness and confusion - are very often spent on the floor, in the closet, reading the Word, crying out to the Lord to "take all my thoughts captive" and with the desire to "set my mind on things above". The Word of God isn't a second thought or Plan B for where I should go for help. It's the first place I run.

But here's the thing: Once you've had an anxiety attack, you then begin wondering, "When am I going to have another anxiety attack?" And you trigger the whole fight of flight scenario all over again. 

I'm sharing all of this with you for several reasons. First off, I'm sick & tired of the idea being thrown out there - especially by pastors & preachers - that the reason any of us deal with anxiety is because we're ultimately not trusting God enough. And I'm sick & tired of the idea being wrapped up into catchy little phrases (that sound all neat & spiritual on Facebook or Twitter) that tell me or anyone else that the solution to depression is found in seeking the Lord just a little bit harder. Foolishness. How much harder do I need to seek Him? It's just not that simple!

Once again, let me repeat myself for clarity: Finding true peace, hope, and joy outside of Jesus Christ - outside of the Word of God & the Spirit of God invading your heart, soul, and life - is ultimately impossible. He is our hope. He is our peace. He is our joy! Trust Him. Call out to Him. Seek Him. He is the only one worthy of your praise, adoration, and your life being surrendered. He is faithful. He will never leave you, nor forsake you. He will walk with you, even "through the valley of the shadow of death."

But for some of you...you need help. You need to see a counselor. You need to see your doctor. You need to humble yourself & seek help. 

Some of us need to understand how to separate the things in front of us that we can change & the things off in the distance...that we have no control over.

Some of us need medication. I'm also sharing all of this with you because I have walked through it. Again. For the second time in my life, I'm now taking a low dose antidepressant. I started taking it right before Thanksgiving. One night right after New Year's, I was out with my wife. I remember in the middle of dinner putting down my fork, looking at her and saying, "I just realized. I feel like myself again." And I do. Last year was one of the hardest years of my life. Pride kept me tied up in knots for 6 months. But I am so grateful now for what the Lord has walked me through. And I hope that maybe it might help one of you face down this issue, seek the Lord, turn to someone else, and get the help that you not only need, but that is readily available to you. 

Asking Better Questions

In my last post, I made this assertion:

Asking questions is exhausting. (Therefore...)

Asking better questions can be even more exhausting.

On multiple levels in my life, I've been challenged over the last few years with the idea that asking better questions will sharpen me as a leader and listener, will improve my communication as a husband and father, and will ultimately deepen my relationships. Questions require thought. When they invoke a response, that requires attention. Questions change things!

In my next few posts I'm going to address some very specific areas where you can greatly benefit from asking better questions. I would also like to start a conversation over some of the specific questions that can possibly change the landscape of our decision making and the criteria we use to get ourselves there. 

To begin, let's talk about everyone's favorite subject: FITNESS. 
To be more specific, how do you go about finding the best person to help you get in shape? How do you find a TRAINER?

As I've spent the second half of my life going to the gym, and the last 5 years in particular finding a newfound love for the weight room and all that it has to offer, I've been around a lot of "trainers". I've come to realize that it doesn't take a whole lot for a person to get "certified" to be referred to as a "trainer". Sort of like how any random dude can go online and get "certified" as an ordained minister so that he can perform his buddy's wedding ceremony on the beach. It doesn't take much. The year that I spent working out at Planet Fitness (which is another post for another day), I had to stay away from the trainers. I couldn't handle for another minute listening to some of the horrible coaching/advice they would give to people. It wasn't just wrong; it was detrimental to the person's health. There's more bad information and incompetent coaching out there than you would ever imagine. So...what can you do about it? 

Ask better questions.

Before you sign up for that new gym or pay for that new trainer, here are some key questions you should ask. Let me preface by saying that this is by no means an exhaustive list. There are without a doubt other questions you could add. But this is a great starting point. I would also point out that great questions almost always build a bridge to go further than the single question can go on it's own. Great questions build bridges, answer bigger questions, open doors, and knock down walls. So, with that said, here are some questions that will help you in your quest for fitness. "Hey trainer, I was wondering...."

What certification do you have?
There's an 85% chance you won't know who or what they are referring to with their answer, but how they answer this question will be telling. And you're smart enough to know that if the answer happens to be "The Arizona Correctional Institute of Physical Fitness" or "Trainers-R-Us", you should probably walk away. Look for confidence and explanation in a trainer's education. Look up the school, course, and/or credentials they give you. Do 5 minutes of research. And follow that question up with this next one:

What do you do for continuing education?
The trainers at BCI (where I workout 2-3 days a week) are always reading. Always learning. Always furthering their knowledge of what they're teaching and leading us to do. How to workout. What to eat. How to rest and recover. Basically anyone that you pay to assist you in any way - your doctor, barber, dentist, yard man, insurance agent, and yes...a trainer - should be continually growing in the knowledge of their field. If a "trainer" has to think about their answer on this one, just walk away.

In what areas can you help me achieve optimal health and wellness?
I'm not sure I can even begin to list all the reasons to ask this specific question. One would be that just the nature of the verbage of this question will let the "trainer" know that you aren't just there to lose 5 pounds, but that you are interested in your HEALTH. Moreover, if you're going to pay someone (probably somewhere in the neighborhood of $40-$60 an hour on the low side) to "train" you, you need to know ahead of time that anyone can direct you around a fitness room. I can help anyone work up a sweat in 5-10 minutes. If you walk around the fitness center at the YMCA, every machine in the place - weight, cardio, or otherwise - has the instructions plastered on it. You can look up 100 different YouTube videos to show you how to lift weights, use an Arc Trainer, or do burpees. Here's the issue: there are one million "trainers" and 2 million videos out there showing people how to do those things INCORRECTLY. And people are getting injured, doing damage to their spine and shoulder joints, wearing out their knees, and continuing to poison their own guts because 1) most of us don't know any better & 2) because we all want a quick fix. There is no quick fix. Not for optimal health and wellness. It's a long road that begins with you deciding you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. So if you're there, don't compromise by paying someone who spent 6 months getting certified online to give you bad advice. Call me. I'll be glad to charge you less for bad advice. 

The last question is one that we should probably ask of a lot more people in a lot more situations. Unapologetically ask the "trainer":

Do you have any references?
The 22-year old that trains me (and the group I workout with) every Wednesday & Friday at 6:00 AM - he has references. There are a substantive number of people that he could point you to who would verify that he not only knows what he's talking about, and that he practices what he preaches, but that he is also constantly furthering his understanding and sharpening his approach to coaching people. If you're paying someone good money and entrusting your fitness and health to them, they most certainly should be able to point you to someone who would willingly corroborate and validate their credentials. And you shouldn't have to feel bad or apologize for asking. In fact, they should probably offer that information up before you ever even ask for it. If they've helped someone else achieve what you're wanting to achieve, then they should be able to show you.

This is your health. This is your time and money. This is your life.

Don't waste any of them!

Ask better questions.

Asking Questions

I haven't written anything in quite awhile. Almost a year. On one hand, I have had no desire. ZERO. At the same time, I have recently begun to feel like a part of me is missing. Like some part of me is starving. I've had a hard time wrapping my head around it.

I recently started reading Reagan on Leadership: Executive Lessons from the Great Communicator, by James Strock. Ronald Reagan is my favorite President for more reasons than I care to go into in this post. That said, part of why I have always held such admiration for him was his ability to communicate the right things in the right way at just the right time. In his book, Strock talks about how Reagan was determined to "master every medium" of communication. As I reflected on this, I realized that when I was writing frequently, it was also sharpening me not only in my preaching or public speaking, but even in my interpersonal communication, whether with my wife and kids, our staff, or even the guy behind me in line at the store. When I write, I benefit, even if no one else does. So...here I am. Writing.

As I've worked through the puzzle of wondering about the drought, I've never been satisfied with the idea that I 1) was just being lazy, 2) lost the discipline to write, 3) didn't have the time, or 4) that I had run out of things to say. That last one is laughable, I know. So what's the deal? Is there some greater force at work against me, within me? Some complex, psychological reason behind this? I don't think so. What I think - as dumb as it sounds to me as I think it and type it - is that I just got sick and tired of asking questions.

Asking questions is exhausting.

Asking better questions can be even more exhausting.

And asking really good questions is the genesis and catalyst behind really good writing.

Asking questions - really good questions - when you really think about it - doesn't pair well with self-centeredness. Asking good questions requires thought. Asking great questions and really wanting great answers demands a heart ready to listen. Until recently, I haven't been very good at listening.

The last year of my life felt like a roller coaster in the rain, that someone else strapped me into and made me ride. For the first time in 5 years, I began fighting anxiety and depression again. There were some really rough days. There were probably even more sleepless nights. There was counseling. There were books. There were phone calls with friends. There were prayers and tears in the floor of the closet. There was scripture reading, scripture memorizing, scripture meditating - hours and hours searching the scriptures. There was medicine. But as I look back, what there weren't a lot of...were questions.

Why wasn't I asking questions?

That's a great question. Ironic. Isn't it.

I think we get so hung up on not questioning God - you know, the "God is sovereign and his ways are not ours, so you may never know why!" type questions - that we just stop asking questions altogether. 

Just a thought: Even though a child can't begin to comprehend where water comes from, he will still ask his mom or dad for a drink. He doesn't know if Mom's a genius, but he knows Mom is good.

I spent more this time this past year kicking myself and beating myself up wondering why and how I was feeling what I was feeling than I was quietly asking the Lord, "What do you want to show me in this place? Will you show me more of you in this valley? Father, why am I walking through this?" 

Why am I reluctant to ask my Heavenly Father questions? Big, hard questions?

There's more talk than we know what to do with about "If my kid asks me one more question my head's going to explode!" We know. Your kid asks lots of questions. They all do. My son is 13 and he's now a professional. He could be an attorney. He's that good. However, I've recently lost any frustration with his incessant questioning. Here's why. All of Nathan's questions begin with the same thing: the word "Dad". Every time my son asks me a question I'm reminded that I'm his dad. I'm reminded that he's my son. I'm reminded that it's somehow ME that he's still looking to for answers. It probably won't always be that way. So right now, I welcome it. I will cherish the questions. Sons and daughters ask their dad questions. That's how it works. And I hope those questions get bigger and go deeper as they grow up and get older. I hope the questions never go away.

Are you asking questions?

Your Heavenly Father can handle them. All of them. You may not be able to handle or comprehend the answers, but He loves it when you & I ask Him. Every time we run to Him, we're reminded that He's our Father. That we belong to Him. That He's the one with all the answers. He's given us His Spirit and His Word, that we can seek Him, find Him, and know Him. He's a good Father. 

Go ahead. Whatever it is...ask him.

Psalm 17, Psalm 40