Lessons: Your Bitterness is Killing You

“Not forgiving someone - hold onto bitterness - is like drinking rat poison and expecting the other person to die.”

This famous quote has been attributed to Gandhi, Jesus, Nelson Mandela, Anne Lamott - probably even your mom. We aren’t really sure who said it first, but we all wish we had. Why? 

Because it’s so dang right on the money.

Bitterness is a poison. 

Bitterness is a poison dressed up like a big, tall glass of lemonade on a hot summer day.

We think it’s going to taste good. We actually think we deserve to sit on the porch, in the shade, with the breeze blowing, and slowly turn the glass back and drink it down. And that when we do, we’re going to be refreshed. Thirst quenched. Satisfied.

Not a chance.

Not a snowball’s chance in Honolulu.

When Paul wrote the Ephesians - the church closest to his heart - he cut straight to the point. Look at what he says.

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Ephesians 4:31,32).

Get rid of all bitterness.

Is there anything confusing about that? Is there any discrepancy? No.

Get rid of - throw out & destroy - all - every little bitty morsel of - bitterness. 

And...forgive each other. As God has forgiven you.

The Letter to the Hebrews:

"Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many" (Hebrews 12:14,15).

We cultivate bitterness. And when we do, it causes trouble & desecrates & destroys.

How about what Peter says:

"When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly" (1 Peter 2:23).

Jesus didn’t retaliate. 

And speaking of Jesus not retaliating, look at what he said:

"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing..." (Luke 23:34).

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:14,15).

Read that last one again.

If you won’t forgive, neither will your Father forgive you.

We all have these moments - maybe even seasons - when something happens. A word is said. Or maybe nothing is said…and that’s the point. Our expectations are blown, our feelings are hurt, our pride is wounded, our heart is broken. 

And a seed falls to the ground. A seed of bitterness. 

It falls into the fertile soil of our injured, vulnerable heart.

The question is: What are we going to do about it?

Those wounds and feelings and hurts pour the poison into the glass.

The question is: Are you going to drink it? 

You and I want and hope that the other person will drink it. That the person who wounded us or let us down or stabbed us in the back will be the one to painfully swallow the disdain. And that we’ll get to watch the happiness drain from their face as it goes down their throat, filling them up with sorrow and regret and brokenness for what they did to us. We would never verbalize this, but it’s actually what runs through the depraved caverns of our mind.

We have to stop it. We have to take an axe to that bitter root. We have to put it to death.

You have to decide you’re not going to live this way.

You have to realize, living this way is not actually living.

You have to realize, your bitterness is killing you. Only you.

It’s taking moments - maybe even days, weeks, months - of your life and poisoning them. That’s like death. You can’t get those back.

The gospel reminds me…I need not be bitter. Jesus demonstrated his love for me in that while I was still a sinner, he died for me. He forgave me. Pursued me. Restores me. He gives me his Spirit so that I don’t have to be a slave to bitterness. 

Don’t water that seed or root. Take an axe to it.

Don’t drink the poison. Pour it out at the feet of the one who gave his life so that your sin, your betrayal, your rebellion, and your failure would no longer be held against you.

Forgive one another, just as in Christ, God has forgiven you.