Recently, I’ve had multiple conversations with different parents who’ve expressed a similar & troubling sentiment or idea. To put it as plainly as possible, when talking about their family’s lack of engagement or participation (in something that the parents themselves claim to be important and priority for their family), the very short, but simple reason given for not attending or participating is something to this effect:
My kid(s) doesn’t want to come.
My kids don’t really enjoy that.
My son has a hard time sitting still.
These conversations have ranged from everything from going to see a math tutor, attending an extracurricular or sporting event their sibling was participating in, or even participating in corporate worship together as a family. The circumstances and situations have been all over the board. The reasons have not. And I think we need to give serious consideration to the implications of these ideas and reasons.
I have ADD. I struggled with this as a kid, first expressed in hyperactivity and then later on during middle school days more with a lack of being able to pay attention and to focus. That said, I would say the effects of it in my life have never been any more than what I will classify as mild. I use that word because I have had the opportunity to see people who have truly wrestled with ADD and ADHD who have been all but paralyzed by it without medication. That wasn’t me. But it was definitely a struggle, especially because no one knew what it even was at the time. If you ask my friends from that part of my life if they could look back and see that in me they would probably all laugh, but at the time no one knew what to name it other than “Brian can’t control himself.” I’m pretty sure I could have had my own cubicle in the Vice Principal’s office at Bailey Junior High School. Maybe I did. I don’t remember.
That same kid (me), from probably age 3 on, also sat through church worship services every single Sunday of my life. Sometimes on Sunday morning, and then again on Sunday night. I’m quite positive that in my lifetime I probably drew 1,000 pictures, played 100 connect-the-dots games, and wrote countless notes during sermons. Not about the sermon. I’m quite certain I daydreamed in church just like I did in class at school. My mind went all kinds of places. But here’s what I’m also certain of: while there were many times I was not actively listening, and there were even times that I was listening, but possibly not understanding, I was constantly absorbing the Word of God. It was echoing in my thoughts. It would reverberate in my heart and mind. For years. And at some point, through the power of the Holy Spirit, it came to life!
As a pastor, but more importantly as a Christ-follower trying to disciple my own children, here’s why I think this is relevant and so important.
Remember what Paul told the Romans in his letter (10:17): “Faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the Word of Christ.”
We’re giving our kids too many free passes. We’re giving them too many outs.
We’re making up excuses for them that they don’t even know to make.
To be honest, we’re selling them out because we underestimate them.
We’re validating what the culture is teaching them rather than reinforcing what the Lord wants to teach them.
Along with that, we are underestimating the power of the very Word of God.
I know. 35 minutes is a long time to sit still.
Unless you’re watching TV or a movie. Unless you’re reading a great book.
Unless you’re in a hammock enjoying the breeze or on a beach listening to the waves.
Parents: Part of Proverbs 22:6 (“Train up a child in the way he should go and in the end he will not depart from it”) is understanding that your children need to hear the Word proclaimed. They need to see you worship. They need to know the reason(s) we gather together as the body of Christ each week to worship, seek, and honor the Lord. They need you to get in the car afterward and generate gospel discussions with them about what Jesus has done for them and how he’s changed your life.
How he’s changed your life.
He is changing your life, right? Jesus? The good news of the gospel? The hope of Christ?
Can I shoot straight with you? I think most of the time we’re not just selling our kids out; we’re giving ourselves a way out. What I’m seeing is that most of the time a parent gives their child a free pass or a way out, it’s because they really don’t hold that thing to be a priority either. Your child's issue may be self-control or hyperactivity - like mine was for so long. But my concern for you as a parent is that for you...it could just be apathy.
Parents: There are 2 things that bring kids to the place of engaging: Desire & Discipline
Your child may not have the desire. That’s OK. That’s when we still have to show them what’s important, what’s priority, and that what’s good for us - what we need - may not always be what we think we want. That's what discipline looks like.
Lord, give us courage and vision to lead our children. Give us strength to stand for what’s right and good and to lead them in the way everlasting. May they see the light of the hope of the gospel shining through us and through our church families. May they not only hear the life-changing news of the gospel; may it come to life through faith within their hearts!
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