The Other Side

NOTE: This is the first post I wrote for Relevant Magazine's God Column. It was an enormous blessing to see the Lord use trial, sorrow, and the valley in my life to be an encouragement to others. I think that's a vital part of our journey as Christ-followers - our suffering and sorrow shaping our hearts and drawing us to the great Comforter. I hope you are encouraged.

Have you ever had that moment, that experience, that phone call that you won’t forget for the rest of your life? I have. It was Friday night, January 9^th, 2004, at 10:15pm. I was at one of my former students homes; he had just returned from boot camp and a group of us had gone over to hang out and hear the stories. My phone rang and it was my brother. He asked me where I was and if I could get somewhere private. “Are you sitting down?” This immediately pushed the panic button. I went into a bedroom, closed the door, and said, “What’s going on?” Here is the point where life changed…and has never been the same.

A sidenote for background purposes: My parents had just a year and a half earlier built their last house; the one they would retire in, have the grandchildren playing in the backyard, host BBQ’s and dinner parties – the house was great. And it wasn’t anything ridiculously extravagant. It was just what they needed. One of the details about my parents home that added so much to its beauty was the 12-foot ceilings. This made the house seem so much bigger than it probably was. I loved that house.

So I sat down and asked my brother, “What’s going on?” Very calmly Brent told me that Dad had been in the attic and fallen through the ceiling. And when he fell (12 feet down) he hit his head on the island in the middle of the kitchen. They were in the ambulance, headed to the hospital and Dad wasn’t conscious. I kept waiting on the “good part”, the part where he says, “…but the paramedics think he’s fine…he’ll be OK….” The good part never came.

That night was filled with phone calls, prayers, tears and 15-minute segments of sleep here and there. It seemed eternal. The next morning I got on a plane with my wife and daughter and took the Wichita to Dallas flight. We were at Harris Hospital in Ft. Worth before 9am. As I entered the hospital, I remember being awestruck by the hundred or so people gathered in the lobby from my parents church. Yes, hundreds. You see, my dad was a pastor. Not a preacher…a pastor. And for years, if you were a member of Fielder Road Baptist Church and you were in the hospital, or your spouse had suddenly passed away, or your child was lying in NICU with a breathing tube, or your daughter had run away in anger, or your marriage was being torn apart – my dad was there. You would be hard-pressed to find a handful of people at the church (and we’re talking out of thousands) who had not been touched or impacted by my dad and his ministry. And now suddenly, HE was the one in need. It was as if this countless army of people who were part of our family had no choice but to come…to be there. And I remember standing there in the lobby at one point that morning, being touched by people with tears and smiles, and someone suddenly breaking out into my dad’s favorite hymn, “The Love of God”. I was moved.

I remember my mom taking me into my dad’s room in the Trauma ICU and not being able to do anything but stand there, hold my dad’s hand and cry. I remember as my mom left the room, leaning over on my dad’s chest and weeping, asking him to wake up. You are never the same when you’ve seen someone you love strapped to a bed with wires coming off of every part of their body and a breathing tube snaked down their throat. It changes you. Instantly.

The next day I was in my dad’s room, with my head again on his chest, and all of a sudden I heard a man named Don joyfully and confidentally praying over my dad, claiming his life and ministry could not possibly be coming to a close. Don put his hand on me at one point and I lost it. I believed everything he was praying, I just couldn’t get those words out of my own mouth. I didn’t feel that I could say anything to God without screaming. I would re-live this moment and many like it over and over again the next weeks. And then, something happened.

I remember, after returning to Wichita and attempting to return to life as normal, the phone call from my mom saying, “Dad’s opening his eyes!” You don’t know the power of those words until you’ve lived everything that came before them. This was the beginning of a very long road; a road with twists, turns, hills, potholes, detours and passers-by, oblivious to the baggage we were towing. It’s also a road that my family remains on today. You don’t walk this mountain and return the same. Things don’t return to normal. But I think one thing I’ve discovered is, normal is a mirage; it’s a figment of our imagination. Normal is a sedative we allow ourselves to swallow that makes us think we’re untouchable and that life as we know it is in this invisible bubble. Well, my bubble was popped.

I’ve realized that there was so much God had done through my dad’s accident, recovery, and his new life, that would never have happened without walking through this trial and experiencing everything that came with it. I think of the countless times I’ve been able to put my hand on someone, pray with them, and feel their pain in my heart. I KNOW what they’re going through. I know what it’s like to feel powerless, wanting that person you love to wake up, get up, go back and to have never gone into that attic, or gotten in that car. I drive by people now and realize that I have no idea what might have been thrown their way today. I just don’t know, and neither do you.

I’m not sure if you’ve gotten that phone call or had that moment, but if and when it comes, know that you will be changed. Know that the things you see and the way you will look at life could never have been seen from the other side. And know that the times when we are rendered powerless, we are never hopeless. Those are the moments God made us for.

Using Your Own Fork

NOTE: A few years ago I had the privilege of writing a couple of posts for Relevant Magazine's website. Recently I've had several conversations not only about these issues, but the posts themselves. So I thought I'd repost them in hopes that they might be an encouragement to someone. This is the first. (My son is now almost 8 years old. I guess a few years means 5-6!)

Recently, I dialogued with someone who shared with me of their plan to find a new church. This person felt that he could no longer attend our church because he was not “being fed”. Due to the fact that I have heard these words countless times before, it got me wondering, “What does that actually mean? Why are there so many Christians out there leaving their churches because they are spiritually starving?” Am I missing something?

The writer of Hebrews boldly confronts the church by saying, “You have been Christians a long time now, and you ought to be teaching others. Instead, you need someone to teach you again the basic things a beginner must learn from the Scriptures. You are like babies who drink only milk and cannot eat solid food. And a person who is living on milk isn’t very far along in the Christian life and doesn’t know much about doing what is right. Solid food is for those who are mature, who have trained themselves to recognize the difference between right and wrong and then do what is right.” (Hebrews 5:11-14, italics mine)

My son is 2 years old and is moving into the “I want to be a big boy” phase very rapidly. We’re working on potty training right now. What fun! But as we were teaching my son how to eat –  how to chew his food, how to use a fork, why we don’t throw the green beans, we eat them – without question, the most difficult task my wife and I faced was getting him to the point where he fed himself. He would devour a mouthful of mac & cheese, but we had to put it on the fork and put it in his mouth. This wasn’t really going to help him in the long run. After all, if you can’t feed yourself, you starve.

Considering this, it makes me wonder: Could it be that so many get to this place of feeling they’re not “being fed” be due to the fact that we haven’t taught them well enough how to feed themselves? Should we have new classes in church like Feeding: 101 and Using Your Own Fork? Seriously. Should it be reduced to this? Or could it also be that there are many who never get beyond the contentment and complacency of having someone else feeding them? Doing the work for them? Surviving on milk?

Acts 2 is a description of the early church. Luke tells us that the people “…joined with other believers and devoted themselves to the apostles’ teachings….” (Acts 2:42, italics mine) Somewhere very early in the journey these people went from “being fed” to doing the feeding. They may have continued to be taught, led, fed, discipled and cultivated, but they also began to teach, lead, feed, cultivate and make disciples. And I believe they also figured something else out: if I’m not serving – putting my gifts to use – then I’ll eventually wind up starving. The cup gets full and has to be poured out. Otherwise, it cannot be filled again.

Most often, it seems that those who feel they are not “being fed” are the ones who have failed to feed anyone else. After all, Jesus wrapped a towel around His waist, washed His disciples feet and told them, “This is what it looks like to follow me.”

It seems to me that if someone has “counted the costs” as Jesus tells us to in Luke 14, and we understand that we must “take up our cross” – something no one else can do for us – then there has to be a point when we begin taking responsibility for our walk. There must come a day when we pick up our own fork and begin to feed ourselves.

I am not saying that we have no need for listening to sermons, hearing God’s word taught and proclaimed, or attending bible study. These are tools that we have as the church – His Body – that assist us in our walk. In fact, these tools actually further the point. If you’re attending a church where the Word of God is being accurately proclaimed, where the Bible is being taught, where the fellowship of the believers is present, where the Body of Christ is being the church and still, somehow, you’re not being fed…could it be you just haven’t learned to use your own fork?

Paul prayed for the Ephesians, “May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand….” (Ephesians 3:17-18, italics mine) “Let the words of Christ, in all their richness, live in your hearts and make you wise.” (Colossians 3:16, italics mine) He says that the church should “equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church…until we come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature and full grown in the Lord….” (Ephesians 4:12-13, italics mine) Paul makes references in Colossians, Philippians and elsewhere about being “mature” in our faith. Are you striving for this? Are you “straining to…receive the prize…”? Or are you still wanting someone else to feed you?

It’s like I tell my son, “If you want to be a big boy, you’ve got to pick up your fork.” If you feel like you’re not “being fed”, I encourage you to wrap a towel around your waist, wash someone else’s feet and pour your life out into someone else. I bet you’ll start feeling full real soon!

Dig Deeper:

Romans 12:1-2

Colossians 3:1-17

Why We Retreat

This week our staff took a 2-day retreat together. We rented a lake house about an hour from home and got away for some team-building, leadership training, and spiritual renewal. I know that I personally had a blast hanging out with the people I have the privilege of leading and serving with and felt like the Lord really encouraged us and challenged us - as individuals and as a team. I wanted to share with you some of the highlights of what we experienced, discussed, and came away with.

First off, here are some of the main quotes, topics of discussion, and ideas that we wrestled with and hammered out together:

• If we're never failing then we're never taking any risks either. We have to give ourselves, each other, and our team members permission - even encouragement - to fail.
• Are the people serving and leader with us clear about 1) their own gifts and strengths and 2) what they're called to do on the team? Without clarity, things get "fuzzy". People will only put up with "fuzzy" for so long.
• As leaders, there are times when one of our major responsibilities is to "make up our mind". 
• How do we move from delegating tasks - creating followers - to delegating authority - creating leaders?
• Our communication should be consistent, clear, and courteous. We should impress people with our straightforwardness.
• If we are not in the business of leadership development, then we can't say we're "making disciples".
• We have to constantly be reminding ourselves and those we're leading and serving with: It's not about OUR church, it's about HIS Kingdom!

We devoted an entire session to talking about our spiritual gifts and personality profiles. As a staff team, I think we benefitted most from gaining insight into each other's personalities; specifically, better educating and equipping ourselves on how to effectively communicate with one another. We're wired differently. We receive (and extend) communication in unique ways. It's takes time and effort to figure this out and capitalize on it. I think we came home much more aware of this and ready to make it happen.

In all honesty, one of my favorite parts of our time together was Tuesday night. We played the game "Imaginiff..." If you've never played it before, it's a great way to not only get to know each other better, but to have some serious laughs at the same time. We had a blast!

Yesterday it was an incredible blessing to spend our morning out on the dock, praying for each other, our families, our church, and for God to move and work in our lives for the sake of His Kingdom. This is always time well spent!

Our last session together we spent time pinpointing the strengths of our church - isolating the things that we do really well - and brainstorming the idea or question: If we spent the next year doing nothing but building on our strengths, what would that look like? On one hand, it was incredible how tempting it was to start veering into thinking & talking about our weaknesses. (And don't get me wrong; you have to do that. But it's interesting how apparent it is that we have been trained and taught by our culture to focus on these shortcomings.) But fighting through that, it was incredibly inspiring to dream about and envision the God-sized potential of what could happen if we take the strengths He has given us as a church and allow Him to keep strengthening and growing those areas. What an awesome thought!

I can't even begin to share everything we experienced and learned in such a short time, but this is a great window into just a few of the vital reasons why we retreat. 

In Spite Of...

On Saturday I wrote a post about something that happened on the way to our soccer game. Long story short, I watched a guy in a truck get mad at some people who were simply trying to tell him the light had turned green. His response: he flipped everybody off. Let the bird go flyin'! And in what was an incredibly awkward situation, when we pulled up several minutes later at the soccer field, so did the guy in the truck. And it wasn't just "a guy"; it was one of the dads on our team. Thankfully, I'm pretty sure he had no idea we were one of the 12 cars behind him that got saluted. Nevertheless, it was just a bit awkward for a moment. And that was the point of my post: sometimes awkward stuff happens. What are you going to do about it? It's part of life.

What an incredibly stupid blogpost. 
So stupid that I deleted it. 

I completely missed the opportunity to start a conversation about the most important part of the whole story. Sure life is full of awkward situations. We're human. We do dumb stuff. The point is that in the midst of people's mistakes, failures, shortcomings, and lapses in good judgment, we still have the opportunity - better yet, the calling and responsibility - to love them. People are going to flip you off. (Hopefully you're not always going to wind up actually knowing the person who flips you off. But if you do, what are you going to do about it?) Aren't we called by Jesus to take people's anger - their attacks and insults and slaps and obscenities - and absorb them? That's what "turning the other cheek" is about. (See Matthew 5:38-48 for more on that subject.) The point is not the awkward situation; the point is the PERSON! As Christ-followers, we should constantly be ready to see and love the person, in spite of their failure. That's what (I hope) we did on Saturday. I just failed to tell you about it.

Are you allowing the Lord to prepare us to diffuse these type of situations rather than further ignite them?

Is there an opportunity in front of you now to love someone not because of something, but in spite of something? Big difference.

Quantify & Control

A couple of weeks ago I preached on missional community - that Acts 2 is a picture of Ephesians 4 being carried out - and that in Acts 2 you don't see anyone actually striving or working for "community". They were on mission, together. I had several interesting conversations following that sermon, many of them that morning right after our services. But one conversation resonated with me because I think it highlights one of our obstacles and barriers to seeing biblical, missional community actually take place in our lives and through our churches. This invisible wall has to do with the fact that what we're describing - this movement that's beginning to take place - is much harder to quantify and control. Let me explain a bit further.

My friend sat down with me and seemed to be a bit distressed. He began explaining to me that he thought what I was describing - missional community - was already happening in his life. That one of his neighbors (who happened to be a minister at another church) and a guy across the street (also a Christian) had started getting together. They had even been talking & strategizing ways to begin reaching out to their other neighbors. "Should we have a block party? Maybe a cookout and invite everyone." What was happening was they were on the cusp of "doing life together". But here was his dilemma: This wasn't happening with people from The Brook. It wasn't something HIS church had stamped their name on. We weren't hovering over it. He wasn't turning in numbers to us. At this point it was undefinable - he couldn't even fully explain what was happening. And he wasn't adding numbers to OUR church. Again - he couldn't quantify all of this. There was no "church" category for what was going on. Here's what I told him:

"It's not my calling to equip you grow our church. I'm called to equip you, prepare you, and lead you to grow the Kingdom! If some of those people wind up being part of the fellowship of our church, great. If they're led to go somewhere else, great. My main concern is that right where you are - right in your own home and your own neighborhood - you're living on mission for the Kingdom."

That's the quantification issue. Now let's talk about control. 

In the Western (American) church - clergy, pastors, ministers - we not only have this driving need of knowing how many people were in our services, in Sunday School, or at an event and how many raised their hand, we also need to know that we're somewhat in control of how it happens. (Sidenote: This "control" we think we have is a full-on mirage. It's elusive and seductive. And the need for the mirage winds up controlling the very ones trying to contain it. And I know that numbers represent people. Many are just trying to ensure follow-up. That's not the issue.) This is NOT what we're called to. Ephesians 4:11-16 gives us very clear instruction and guidance on what, how, and why. It tells us we're called to "equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to maturity, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes." Here's the thing: We are called to equip people to do the work of the Kingdom of God - for the building up and discipling of those in the church - and to reach those who are "outside" and need to know Christ. We are NOT called to control people, to manipulate people, or even to shape them into a bunch of us's. As I said in my sermon last week, "We've been telling our leaders, 'Here's our box. Let's figure out how to reshape you so you fit in our box.' And the thing is, they aren't shaped like our box. They're not supposed to be. We're supposed to equip leaders to BE who the Lord has made them and to SHINE and GROW and REACH OUT where God has planted them. 

Right this moment - somewhere in America at a church - one more program is being added to the weekly schedule to lure people TO "the church" (which is really NOT the church, it's simply where the church meets). And in doing so we will further excuse and exempt our people from the actual mission. We will give them an escape route rather than an in-road. Yes, Jesus said, "Come to me all who are weary". And then he said, "Go and make disciples..." The church just keeps saying "Come". It's time we started saying, leading, and living "GO!" Not just on a weeklong trip to Guatemala or Haiti or New Orleans, but on Tuesday to your job as a software developer or a dental hygienist. THIS is where we're called. We're called to coach ball teams and host parties and serve on our homeowner's association. Exactly how much training do you need before you don't need another class and you're ready to just do it? I'll tell you. You're ready now!

The Lord is doing some incredible and miraculous things in the lives of churches right now, where people are no longer being coaxed into conforming to the church, but are being led by the Spirit of God to dangerously follow Christ on mission. If you're a follower of Jesus Christ, isn't this what you're longing for? PRAY and ask God to ignite a fire in your heart for His glory and His mission! 

Common Interests

If the WHAT and the WHY are Common Mission - the catalyst, growth engine, and reason behind community - then there has to be an initial HOW. How do we propel this into action? How does the Lord lead us to others with a common heartbeat for the mission? This is not concrete. It doesn't always happen this way. But often, it's as simple as finding people around you with common interests. 

Look at your life - your everyday, weekly, gym-work-home, homeowners association, ball practice, weekend, church services, rhythms in your life. There are people in that rhythm with you. There are individuals - couples - families that if you just took notice are one step away from you "doing life together". (You may even already be doing it, and just haven't realized it.) As a Christian, the key then boils down to a simple question: Are the rhythms of your life centered in the mission of the Gospel? And remember, it's not about trying to figure out how to shove Christ into your busyness and your schedule. It's the realization that EVERYTHING in my life revolves around Him, His mission, and His calling on my life. For instance....

These ladies that I run with every Tuesday morning: Could we be reaching other ladies who need to know Christ simply by inviting them to begin running with us?

These guys at church that I go fishing with one Saturday a month: Are there other guys we know that need to know Christ who could be part of this with us?

That couple from your church that lives in your neighborhood: Could you be getting together and cooking out every other week, inviting other neighbors, praying for them, carrying their burdens with them, loving them, sharing the Gospel with them? 

Sometimes, finding the people the Lord has placed in our lives to carry out this "common mission" with can be as easy as realizing who He's already placed in your life with "common interests". Some common interests include: kids, sports, gaming, gardening, college football, where you're from, the neighborhood where you live, what you like to eat, surfing, music, scrapbooking, photography, running, stage of life.... You get the point.

So, HOW do we help people better make these connections, find others around them with common interests, and allow the relationships to be centered in and focused on the common mission of the Gospel?

One conclusion we've come to as a church family is that we have to begin providing more environments and opportunities for people to simply connect on a social level, like a picnic, bunco night, or service project. You can find a vast resource of ideas for connecting points and missional community from Verge Network. What are your thoughts on making these simple connections? Would love to hear your input.

Common Mission

Community - A group of interacting people, living in some proximity (i.e., in space, time, or relationship). Community usually refers to a social unit larger than a household that shares common values and shares social cohesion.

We all need community. We need interaction with people who share our values and convictions. We need to know we're not alone. In fact, we are wired with an innate need of doing life together. You can see it throughout history. You can see it in your own life. And you can see it exemplified in Acts 2 with the account of the first New Testament church. It says that "all who believed were together and had all things in common." If one person or family had a need, other people would give them what they needed - even sell off some stuff to make sure everyone else had enough. (NOTE: This wasn't enforced or regulated by the government. It was propelled by the Holy Spirit!) They prayed together, ate together, went to the temple together. They were doing life together. And at face value this sure seems like the prime example of community. That's because it was. But it didn't get this way because everyone set out to "cultivate community". Community wasn't their aim. There was something of much greater importance that fostered, cultivated, and grew that community: MISSION.

The verses beforehand (Acts 2:41-43) tell us that the first "Christians" were "devoted to the apostles teaching, the fellowship, and prayer. And awe came over everyone, and wonders and signs were being done..." The driving force of life for these first followers of Christ - the first recipients of the Holy Spirit - was mission. The thing that brought them together - the thing that fostered, cultivated, and grew their "community" - was the all-consuming power of the Holy Spirit and the mission that Christ had set before them: "Go and make disciples".

That mission He gave them is still our mission today.
The Great Commission is what draws us and binds us together.

Yet, we still so often set out from square one trying to build community. This is completely redefining "putting the cart before the horse". This is staring at your cart that has NO horse attached it, wondering why it won't go anywhere. As Reggie McNeal pointed out in his book Missional Communities: The Rise of the Post-Congregational Church, "When we (the church) aimed for community we got neither mission nor community. But when we started to aim for mission - community that is centered around the Gospel - we got both mission and community."

When we talk about common mission, most certainly this may manifest itself in some tangible way: building wheelchair ramps together, feeding the poor, tutoring at-risk kids after school. We may all come together in some way to serve others. But this is not THE mission. The mission is the Gospel - that Jesus Christ's life, death, and resurrection has brought us from death to life and that He longs to do the same in others lives. When you read Matthew 28, Acts 2, and Romans 10 you get this distinct idea that the mission isn't something that we figure out where to squeeze in after the fact. Everything else has to conform to it. The mission isn't a slave to our extra-curricular activities and hobbies and busyness, they are slaves to the mission. At least they're supposed to be. And this is for a very good reason:

The mission is JESUS!

Thinking in terms of community - your need for it, your pursuit of it - are you aiming at and focusing on community, or are you beginning to understand that it all begins with the mission? Common mission. The Gospel. 

What does this look like in your life?