Asking Better Questions

In my last post, I made this assertion:

Asking questions is exhausting. (Therefore...)

Asking better questions can be even more exhausting.

On multiple levels in my life, I've been challenged over the last few years with the idea that asking better questions will sharpen me as a leader and listener, will improve my communication as a husband and father, and will ultimately deepen my relationships. Questions require thought. When they invoke a response, that requires attention. Questions change things!

In my next few posts I'm going to address some very specific areas where you can greatly benefit from asking better questions. I would also like to start a conversation over some of the specific questions that can possibly change the landscape of our decision making and the criteria we use to get ourselves there. 

To begin, let's talk about everyone's favorite subject: FITNESS. 
To be more specific, how do you go about finding the best person to help you get in shape? How do you find a TRAINER?

As I've spent the second half of my life going to the gym, and the last 5 years in particular finding a newfound love for the weight room and all that it has to offer, I've been around a lot of "trainers". I've come to realize that it doesn't take a whole lot for a person to get "certified" to be referred to as a "trainer". Sort of like how any random dude can go online and get "certified" as an ordained minister so that he can perform his buddy's wedding ceremony on the beach. It doesn't take much. The year that I spent working out at Planet Fitness (which is another post for another day), I had to stay away from the trainers. I couldn't handle for another minute listening to some of the horrible coaching/advice they would give to people. It wasn't just wrong; it was detrimental to the person's health. There's more bad information and incompetent coaching out there than you would ever imagine. So...what can you do about it? 

Ask better questions.

Before you sign up for that new gym or pay for that new trainer, here are some key questions you should ask. Let me preface by saying that this is by no means an exhaustive list. There are without a doubt other questions you could add. But this is a great starting point. I would also point out that great questions almost always build a bridge to go further than the single question can go on it's own. Great questions build bridges, answer bigger questions, open doors, and knock down walls. So, with that said, here are some questions that will help you in your quest for fitness. "Hey trainer, I was wondering...."

What certification do you have?
There's an 85% chance you won't know who or what they are referring to with their answer, but how they answer this question will be telling. And you're smart enough to know that if the answer happens to be "The Arizona Correctional Institute of Physical Fitness" or "Trainers-R-Us", you should probably walk away. Look for confidence and explanation in a trainer's education. Look up the school, course, and/or credentials they give you. Do 5 minutes of research. And follow that question up with this next one:

What do you do for continuing education?
The trainers at BCI (where I workout 2-3 days a week) are always reading. Always learning. Always furthering their knowledge of what they're teaching and leading us to do. How to workout. What to eat. How to rest and recover. Basically anyone that you pay to assist you in any way - your doctor, barber, dentist, yard man, insurance agent, and yes...a trainer - should be continually growing in the knowledge of their field. If a "trainer" has to think about their answer on this one, just walk away.

In what areas can you help me achieve optimal health and wellness?
I'm not sure I can even begin to list all the reasons to ask this specific question. One would be that just the nature of the verbage of this question will let the "trainer" know that you aren't just there to lose 5 pounds, but that you are interested in your HEALTH. Moreover, if you're going to pay someone (probably somewhere in the neighborhood of $40-$60 an hour on the low side) to "train" you, you need to know ahead of time that anyone can direct you around a fitness room. I can help anyone work up a sweat in 5-10 minutes. If you walk around the fitness center at the YMCA, every machine in the place - weight, cardio, or otherwise - has the instructions plastered on it. You can look up 100 different YouTube videos to show you how to lift weights, use an Arc Trainer, or do burpees. Here's the issue: there are one million "trainers" and 2 million videos out there showing people how to do those things INCORRECTLY. And people are getting injured, doing damage to their spine and shoulder joints, wearing out their knees, and continuing to poison their own guts because 1) most of us don't know any better & 2) because we all want a quick fix. There is no quick fix. Not for optimal health and wellness. It's a long road that begins with you deciding you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. So if you're there, don't compromise by paying someone who spent 6 months getting certified online to give you bad advice. Call me. I'll be glad to charge you less for bad advice. 

The last question is one that we should probably ask of a lot more people in a lot more situations. Unapologetically ask the "trainer":

Do you have any references?
The 22-year old that trains me (and the group I workout with) every Wednesday & Friday at 6:00 AM - he has references. There are a substantive number of people that he could point you to who would verify that he not only knows what he's talking about, and that he practices what he preaches, but that he is also constantly furthering his understanding and sharpening his approach to coaching people. If you're paying someone good money and entrusting your fitness and health to them, they most certainly should be able to point you to someone who would willingly corroborate and validate their credentials. And you shouldn't have to feel bad or apologize for asking. In fact, they should probably offer that information up before you ever even ask for it. If they've helped someone else achieve what you're wanting to achieve, then they should be able to show you.

This is your health. This is your time and money. This is your life.

Don't waste any of them!

Ask better questions.

Asking Questions

I haven't written anything in quite awhile. Almost a year. On one hand, I have had no desire. ZERO. At the same time, I have recently begun to feel like a part of me is missing. Like some part of me is starving. I've had a hard time wrapping my head around it.

I recently started reading Reagan on Leadership: Executive Lessons from the Great Communicator, by James Strock. Ronald Reagan is my favorite President for more reasons than I care to go into in this post. That said, part of why I have always held such admiration for him was his ability to communicate the right things in the right way at just the right time. In his book, Strock talks about how Reagan was determined to "master every medium" of communication. As I reflected on this, I realized that when I was writing frequently, it was also sharpening me not only in my preaching or public speaking, but even in my interpersonal communication, whether with my wife and kids, our staff, or even the guy behind me in line at the store. When I write, I benefit, even if no one else does. So...here I am. Writing.

As I've worked through the puzzle of wondering about the drought, I've never been satisfied with the idea that I 1) was just being lazy, 2) lost the discipline to write, 3) didn't have the time, or 4) that I had run out of things to say. That last one is laughable, I know. So what's the deal? Is there some greater force at work against me, within me? Some complex, psychological reason behind this? I don't think so. What I think - as dumb as it sounds to me as I think it and type it - is that I just got sick and tired of asking questions.

Asking questions is exhausting.

Asking better questions can be even more exhausting.

And asking really good questions is the genesis and catalyst behind really good writing.

Asking questions - really good questions - when you really think about it - doesn't pair well with self-centeredness. Asking good questions requires thought. Asking great questions and really wanting great answers demands a heart ready to listen. Until recently, I haven't been very good at listening.

The last year of my life felt like a roller coaster in the rain, that someone else strapped me into and made me ride. For the first time in 5 years, I began fighting anxiety and depression again. There were some really rough days. There were probably even more sleepless nights. There was counseling. There were books. There were phone calls with friends. There were prayers and tears in the floor of the closet. There was scripture reading, scripture memorizing, scripture meditating - hours and hours searching the scriptures. There was medicine. But as I look back, what there weren't a lot of...were questions.

Why wasn't I asking questions?

That's a great question. Ironic. Isn't it.

I think we get so hung up on not questioning God - you know, the "God is sovereign and his ways are not ours, so you may never know why!" type questions - that we just stop asking questions altogether. 

Just a thought: Even though a child can't begin to comprehend where water comes from, he will still ask his mom or dad for a drink. He doesn't know if Mom's a genius, but he knows Mom is good.

I spent more this time this past year kicking myself and beating myself up wondering why and how I was feeling what I was feeling than I was quietly asking the Lord, "What do you want to show me in this place? Will you show me more of you in this valley? Father, why am I walking through this?" 

Why am I reluctant to ask my Heavenly Father questions? Big, hard questions?

There's more talk than we know what to do with about "If my kid asks me one more question my head's going to explode!" We know. Your kid asks lots of questions. They all do. My son is 13 and he's now a professional. He could be an attorney. He's that good. However, I've recently lost any frustration with his incessant questioning. Here's why. All of Nathan's questions begin with the same thing: the word "Dad". Every time my son asks me a question I'm reminded that I'm his dad. I'm reminded that he's my son. I'm reminded that it's somehow ME that he's still looking to for answers. It probably won't always be that way. So right now, I welcome it. I will cherish the questions. Sons and daughters ask their dad questions. That's how it works. And I hope those questions get bigger and go deeper as they grow up and get older. I hope the questions never go away.

Are you asking questions?

Your Heavenly Father can handle them. All of them. You may not be able to handle or comprehend the answers, but He loves it when you & I ask Him. Every time we run to Him, we're reminded that He's our Father. That we belong to Him. That He's the one with all the answers. He's given us His Spirit and His Word, that we can seek Him, find Him, and know Him. He's a good Father. 

Go ahead. Whatever it is...ask him.

Psalm 17, Psalm 40

The Long Way

When I go home from just about anywhere in my city there are two ways to get there. Two roads lead to my neighborhood. From just about any location, one of those two roads feels and seems to be the shortest route. As the crow flies there's no doubt. That said, I'm no crow and I can't fly. What tends to almost always be the case is that what seems to be the short way winds up being the long way.

The seemingly short route is currently plagued with construction. If you drive down that road at the wrong time of the morning you will get backed up in traffic and sit for 20 minutes. If you’re lucky. This road is well trafficked because it's more well-known. Nathan always wants to debate with me that it's shorter. So every once in a while – against my better judgment – we will give it a shot. And we always regret it. What seems to be the short route very often winds up being the long road.

If I could just once and for all learn this lesson as a leader. Almost every time I get anxious, impatient, or forget that why and how are just as important as what, it seems to always come back to haunt me. You and I both know that the journey is just as important (if not more) than the destination. But we get so in a hurry to arrive that we're not even sure what happened in the wake of getting there.

Very often, the short way winds up being the long way. But in all honesty, short and long aren't nearly as important as right and wrong. Often there's a right way. It's usually also the hard way. And my estimation is…it's highly likely to be the long way as well.

What takes more time now: Doing it myself...or building a team? The answer to that question – especially if I'm more concerned with right now and getting it done – is to build a team. It takes more time to cultivate people. It takes more time to invest and build. But in the long run…it's worth the investment. The short way winds up being the long way.

What takes more time now: Unilaterally making a change and letting everyone know about it...or walking everyone through the change with you? If your theory & mentality is “My way or the highway” or “Get on the bus…of get left behind!", then just go ahead and make the change. Drop it like a bomb! But if you want to not only sustain your leadership, but also actually grow the people and the organization you're leading, then take the time to walk them through it with you. If you have a vision worth selling and you're a leader worth following, then take the time to share that vision with the people you want to follow you. I know it feels like the long way, but it winds up being the short way.

“…the prudent gives thoughts to his steps.” Proverbs 14:15

“Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” Proverbs 15:22

“Train up a child in the way he should go; in the end he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

Leading an organization? Building a team? Do it the right way. It’s worth it.

Raising a child? Discipling your son or daughter? Man, don’t we all wish there were some shortcuts. Sorry. No dice. It’s long, hard work. And it’s worth every moment, every tear, every prayer, and every opportunity of shepherding their heart toward Jesus.

If we embrace and enjoy and savor the journey, the destination will be that much more satisfying. 

The long way sometimes winds up being the short way.

The long way very often ends up being the right way.

Who cares about shortcuts, anyway? 

How Do We Select Elders?

In my previous post, Why Do We Have Elders, we looked at the biblical mandate, calling, and role of the elders in the church. The pastors and elders are called to "shepherd God's people"; to humbly oversee the church as servant leaders. Here I would like to share how we go about selecting, examining, and affirming these men.

First off, each new year begins an informal NOMINATION process. What does this mean? Great question. Each year the current elders begin praying through the question: Are there certain men within our church family who meet the qualifications described by Paul to Timothy and Titus of an elder? We start making a list. We then continue praying through that list together. After a certain period of time, if we come to unanimous agreement on a particular man (or men), we approach him and ask him to prayerfully consider if the Lord might be calling him to this role. As an example, this past year our list began with 4 men. Over a month's time, we all felt very strongly about 2 specific men. They both agreed to prayerfully consider the question: Is God calling me to be an elder? 1 of those 2 men overwhelmingly sensed that affirmation and the other did not. That's one way that a man enters into this process.

Along with that, a couple of other initial scenarios can happen. One being that a man can nominate himself. This may sound or seem egotistical or prideful to some, but to be honest, if that was the driving force behind a man's self-nomination, it would almost certainly be visible. Self-promotion is pretty tough to disguise. Having said that, there have been times when a member has come to us and asked us to consider a man for nomination. One man in our church (who would probably be shocked by this due to his humility) has had multiple people over the last years come to me and "nominate" him - meaning they've come and asked, "Why isn't so & so an elder? He would make a great elder!" This man clearly meets the qualifications, yet very clearly has told me (on mulitple occasions) that he does not sense the Lord's calling and leading to take on that role or responsibility. I would also like to add that there are multiple men within our church body who have been approached by the elders because of the clear evidence of their character, who have not felt the call of God to the role. The calling is critical!

So whether nominated by a church member, himself, or the current elders, if a man accepts that nomination we then begin what we call the EXAMINATION process. [This usually lasts around 6 months.] We have a fairly thorough 6-page application that an elder candidate fills out, including everything from family history, to testimony and personal salvation experience, to doctrinal and theological questions. We also ask for references. We want to talk to people who can verify that what we see in an elder candidate's life is being seen by others and has been seen by those surrounding him for some time now. During this time, our pastors and elders are encouraged to meet with him, spend time with him and his family, get to know who he is and pray for the Lord's clear wisdom and discernment concerning this man. We also require him to do a bit of reading, wanting to make sure he understands (as fully as possible) the role and responsibilies he is considering. He needs to know that he is not becoming a member of a board or group of trustees or a personnel committee. First and foremost, he is yielding to God's call on his life to "shepherd and oversee" the people of God.

When (and if) our pastors and elders come to unanimous resolution that we have fully examined this man's life and we not only see clear evidence of him meeting the qualifications, but also that he is surrendering to the call of God on his life to step into this role, we will then present him to the church family for a brief time of examination. [This usually lasts around 4-6 weeks.] This time allows anyone to come and ask questions of the elders, bring up anything that may have slipped past us in regards to his character or actions, but also (and hopefully more prevalently) provides an opportunity for people to get to know him, pray for him, and see the evidence of why we nominated him in the first place. 

At the end of this process, after the entire church body (pastors, elders, staff, members) has had time to examine this man's life, if we (the elders) are still in unanimous agreement, we will then AFFIRM him as an elder before the entire congregation. We have always done this on a Sunday during our services because we believe it is something the entire church body should be involved in. While what we do is very simple, it is also very meaningful. The pastors and elders will gather around the elder candidate, lay hands on him, and pray over him. This is not a magical transference of "elder powers" or some sort of mystical ceremony. Paul laid hands on Timothy as he prayed over him. The apostles "prayed and laid their hands on" Stephen and the others they had chosen to be deacons. We do the same.

While we desire every part of WHAT we do to be driven, catalyzed, and mandated from and by the scriptures, we are aware that a portion of HOW we go about it comes from us. This is why we never stop asking, "How can we do this more effectively? What can we do better?" 

I hope these posts have given greater clarity and understanding to what our elders do, why we do it, and how we are chosen to do it. We would be glad to answer any questions you may have about biblical elders and church leadership.

"The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task." 1 Timothy 3:1

Why Do We Have Elders?

When something is foundational – a ground-level, concrete, nonnegotiable part of who you are & what you do & why & how you do it – it's not only healthy, but essential to re-visit and remind yourself of it often. With that understanding in mind, I'd like to talk a little bit about what the Bible says about elders and why we have them at The Brook.

Let's begin by establishing what an elder is not: Someone who is older than you. Culturally this is what we have meant and implied when we say: “Respect your elders!” or "Take care of the elderly." This is not the biblical definition or implication of an elder.

Elders are also not a board of trustees or a management team. Jeramie Rinne, in his book Church Elders (from 9Marks) puts it this way: "When elders see themselves primarily as members of a board of trustees, they perceive their purpose as managing the organizational elements of the chruch. "Success" likely means keeping balance sheets in the black, maintaining the facilities, and sponsoring high-quality, well-attended programs and events. Trustee elders are tempted to emphasize managing the machine over maturing the members." Don't misunderstand: many of those things mentioned are important, but they are not the priorities of the elders of the church.

An elder (as described and defined in the New Testament) is a shepherd & overseer. It's the same word used for Pastor (poimen). When we read the New Testament as a whole, we understand there are certain aspects and characteristics of an elder. Pastors and elders are called by God to shepherd his people. The apostle Paul makes it clear to Timothy (1 Timothy 3) that any man who takes on this role without the calling of God will most certainly regret it; it is a weighty responsibility. He calls it “a noble task”. Paul gives Timothy and Titus (Titus 1) very similar, yet distinct descriptions of an elder. (You can take a look at those for yourself.) For our purposes in this post I would like to specifically address some FAQs and what I will call "frequently misunderstood ideas" about elders, while also addressing the specifics of the role and function of elders within our church.

One FAQ we have heard and addressed is this: If pastors and elders are from the same word, and both are shepherds and overseers, then what is the difference?

At The Brook, while pastors and elders primary calling and function overlaps (to shepherd, guide, and “pastor” the people of the church), there are also several functions and roles that are equally distinct. Specifically in our context, pastors are men who not only heed the call to shepherd God’s people, but also feel led to vocationally lead the strategy and ministries of the church. They have also answered a call to preach the Word of God, very closely mirroring what the disciples gave as the reason for appointing the first deacons: “we will devote ourselves to prayer and to the ministry of the word.” Conversely, elders do not necessarily have this sense of vocational calling, nor do they feel called to preach. They do, however, have a burden and responsibility to attend to the governance of the church. They pay attention to how we are stewarding the gifts of the Lord; specifically our tithes and offerings. And while our elders may not preach on a Sunday, they are all capable of teaching (and are currently doing so in some capacity), and are responsible (along with the pastors) for ensuring that what we do preach is biblically, doctrinally correct. This is what Paul exhorted the Ephesian elders to do in Acts 20: guard the doctrine of the church.

Now, let’s get even more practical. Another FAQ is (to put it bluntly): So…what do our elders actually do?
Once a month (at minimum) our pastors and elders gather together. While our meetings will frequently involve discussions over current ministry strategies, decisions over present issues and/or future opportunities, that time will always be prioritized by our praying over and for one another, our church, and our people. To be candid, we spend much time laboring for marriages to be healed, for the Lord’s guidance and provision in decisions we must make, for the healing of those who are sick, and the deliverance of those who are burdened. This is the “noble task” Paul spoke of to Timothy. Our elders humbly serve. These men often lose sleep on behalf of our people. Their first and primary concern is for the spiritual well-being of the sheep because they know (ultimately) they will answer to the Good Shepherd. I don’t write this so anyone will pity or feel sorry for them. Actually, on the contrary, I exhort you to love and respect and pray for the men in your church who have taken on this burden and responsibility.

In my next post I’m going to talk about the process of finding, examining, and affirming elders at The Brook.  

The Soul Felt It's Worth

O Holy Night!

The stars are brightly shining
It is the night of the dear Savior's birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till he appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary soul rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!

Fall on your knees
Oh hear the angel voices
Oh night divine
Oh night when Christ was born
Oh night divine
Oh night divine

Truly He taught us to love one another
His law is love and His gospel is peace
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His name all oppression shall cease
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name

You've probably sung those lyrics many times. I know I have. Maybe we've sung them so many times that we've stopped really hearing what it is we're singing. Or maybe we never really took the time to prayerfully consider all the theological implications of these truths. I spent some time thinking and praying over these lyrics today and there are a few things that stood out to me.

"Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till he appear'd and the soul felt its worth"

The soul felt its worth. The soul had never truly felt its worth before then. The only way for the soul to feel its "worth" is for it to be liberated from the thing that enslaves it. What was enslaving our souls? Sin.

The world was laying - trapped and helpless - in sin. Until something happened. The Son of God appeared. He appeared. Lived a perfect, sinless life. He willingly laid his life down, was brutally beaten, murdered, executed, and crucified for our sin. The sin that the whole world was laying in. He died so that we might be freed from that sin. He died and rose from the dead so that we would no longer go on walking in darkness, but we would walk in the light.

"Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother

And in His name all oppression shall cease"

Make no mistake, the chains He came to break were chains of sin.

The slave is my brother. Any slave, anywhere. Because I was a slave to sin.

But in Jesus name - the name that is above every name - the name that one day will bend every knee - in Jesus name "all oppression shall cease" because the oppression of sin has been defeated.

O holy night!

What a night it must have been...when holiness erupted into the world so quietly through a baby in a manger. Holiness that is now available to you and me. Righteousness that has now been imparted to us because the light of the world chose to defeat the darkness.

May we walk in the light this Christmas.

May we shine the light of life to all those around us because our souls have felt their worth. Because the oppression of our sin has been defeated.

Merry Christmas!

What To Do With the "Toxic" Christian

There's this new idea floating around (which is just an old idea packaged up in different paper) that as a Christian I can self-determine that another Christian has become "toxic". That there's a brother or sister whose decisions or choices have moved them outside of the realm of the level of grace, mercy & forgiveness that I've been allowed & allotted to divvy out. I’ve seen and heard this out of other people’s mouths…and I’ve witnessed it running through my own heart and mind as well. This is not of God. This is not of Jesus. This is not Biblical.

Jesus didn't give any sub categories, asterisks, sidenotes, or escape routes for John 13:34-35. He said, "The world will know you are my disciples by your love for one another."

Matthew 5:23-24 & Matthew 18:15-17 were mandates that were to be exhaustively pursued before ever entertaining the idea of severing a relationship with another child of God.

Jesus went after the lost sheep to bring them back home. He said he would leave the 99 to go after the 1. At times, it seems as though we want to gather the 99 and tell them, “It’s just better that he left. Just let him go.”

Is there a "toxic" person out there? Most certainly there is. Are there people who claim the name of Jesus over their lives while walking as reprobate sinners? I'm sure there are. But if we reach the point of divisively & decisively removing a person from our lives, should it not be only after making every attempt to either lead them to repentance or lead us both to reconciliation?

If you and I choose to humbly & lovingly "part ways" because of major theological differences - issues of essential orthodoxy - that might be a healthy decision. But if you and I ultimately walk away from one another because one of us has relationally wounded the other - because pride or bitterness hinders us from repairing the fractures in our friendship – then we are an awfully sad lot.

You and I don't get to "wash our hands of one another". When we choose that route we're not following Jesus. We're following Pilate. 

Pilate washed his own hands: "I'll have nothing to do with this or with you." 

In that climactic moment the night before Jesus went to the cross, when he could have and should have washed his hands of the delinquents and the repeat offenders, he instead did something else. He got down on his knees and washed the betrayer's feet: I still love you.

Pilate washed hands. Jesus washed feet.

Why do we give up so easily?

Why are we so quick to wash our hands instead of wash each other's feet?

Why are we so fragile and easily offended?

How does the cup of grace that the Lord fills on our behalf run dry so quickly that we have none left to pour out on others?

We are ministers of reconciliation. (See 2 Corinthians 5:11-21)

We are agents of forgiveness. (See Matthew 18:21-35)

If there are some among us who have wandered back into the land of the "toxic", may we have the Christ-centered, Spirit-filled perseverance, courage, and determination to go in after them. And may we remember, when the fear of being poisoned by the toxic overwhelms us, that we were once the poison ourselves. 

May those of us called to “shine like stars in the universe” remember that we were once darkness. (See Ephesians 5:8)

May we love like you, Lord Jesus. Help us.