While some folks made this statement in a counseling session where deep wounds and hurts were possibly being shared, others have actually been very casual, in a conversation at the gym or even simply in passing. When someone made this comment to me most recently (just a few weeks ago) for some reason it was like someone shoved a stick in the spokes of my bike. It stopped me dead in my tracks. Some very clear thoughts flooded my mind and I felt I needed to share them.
The first thing that needs to be communicated is that I fully and firmly believe there are individuals, couples, and even families who have been wounded by people, pastors, groups, and decisions made within the church. Groups have been so exclusive that new families could never find their way in. Pastors have misused their authority and acted more like King Herod than King Jesus. Theological differences have been expressed as dogma and isolated people to the point that they felt pushed out. I could go on and on, but the fact remains: people have been hurt in the church.
It's imperative that we key in on that last statement.
SIDENOTE: I get really hung up on words. So much so, many close to me might even say I obsess over them. Words can be like a scalpel or a bulldozer; two very different tools for very different uses and purposes. You better choose the right one. Back to the point.
Every single time I have had this feeling or experience shared with me, it has been expressed with the words: I've been hurt by the church. Here's why this statement and idea can be so detrimental and destructive, both to the churches being referenced and the individuals who feel they've been wounded: the Church didn't hurt you.
The Church is the Body of Christ.
Granted, the Church (and the local churches through which it is expressed) is made up of people. Fallible, sinful people. Those people often make mistakes, make self-centered decisions, and put themselves first. People hurt people. Even in the church. Pastors and priests have abused church members. Congregations have split over utterly minuscule disagreements, leaving many members in shock and confusion. The list of circumstances is much longer than any of us would like to admit. People are hurt in the church all the time. And maybe you're one of those people. If so, I hope to encourage you with some thoughts.
People are hurt in dating relationships all the time as well. A boyfriend doesn't listen to the word, "No." A girlfriend convinces herself it's OK to cheat. Someone goes to dinner expecting a possible greater commitment, only to be told, "This isn't working out. It's not you; it's me."
OUCH! You can almost feel the dagger going through your heart.
In this instance, dating didn't hurt you; your boyfriend did. The "institution" of dating didn't break its commitment; your girlfriend did. And while it may take weeks or months - possibly even years - to come to the point that you feel like you can open yourself back up, become vulnerable, and begin dating again, you eventually tell yourself to get back on the horse, get back in the game, stick your neck and your heart out there and date again. It's what you do. You're a little fearful. You wonder how it's going to go. But you know it's worth it. And eventually, you date again.
The Church is not your boyfriend. The Church is the Body of Christ.
Someone or something in your church may have hurt you in the past. Many have been there. When I was still fairly young in ministry, I dropped the ball with a few things I'd been asked to do. The way those "over me" handled the situation left me hurt, embarrassed, and even bitter for quite some time. A year later it took a shouting match on the side of the road between me and the Lord for me to leave those wounds at the Cross and turn them over to Him. But I knew from the outset, the Church didn't hurt me; those individuals did. I didn't leave or divorce the local church. That was never an option. Through the mercy and grace of God - through the power of the gospel - the Lord healed those wounds. And He's used them in my own heart and life to pay close attention to how I disciple, lead, affirm, and even rebuke those that the Lord has called me to shepherd.
I am part of the Body of Christ. And if you are a follower of Christ, so are you. Divorce is not an option.
I don't know how long the wound has festered or the hurt has been hardening in your heart, but I exhort and admonish you today: come back!
If you forsake the bride, you are rejecting the bridegroom.
Jesus says, "The Spirit and the Bride say, 'Come.' And let the one who hears say, 'Come.' And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price." Right now, the Bride of Christ is crying out to the Lord, "Come, Lord Jesus!" It's a corporate groaning and longing for all things to be made new. I encourage you today: Come. Come and find your place in the Body of Christ and join the cry that is going to ring through eternity: "Come, Lord Jesus!"
Christ loves the Church. He gave His life for her.
We are the Body of Christ. We are the Church.
May our love for one another show a lost world the love of the Savior!
"Come, Lord Jesus!"
