EITHER/OR (OR) BOTH/AND?

My friend, Ken Huffman, and I have been having a raging debate for quite some time now. In fact, it’s bigger than that. We’ve been recruiting and evangelizing others into our debate, further escalating the intensity and determination that we both have to prove that we are right. This debate, of course, is the 30+ year old question: Which is the greatest Def Leppard album of all time: 

Pyromania (OR) Hysteria?

Now, while it’s pretty clear that the correct answer is Pyromania, that’s not really the point of this post. I could bring up another just-as-long debated album war. What’s the greatest 80’s movie soundtrack: Footloose (OR) Top Gun? Enjoy that one with a group of friends over dinner. 

I have. On multiple occasions.

The point is not the debate, but the way of thinking behind the debate. While Ken and I are honestly debating just as much to simply harass one another as to prove our musical preference is right, we are nevertheless caught up in doing just that: proving that we’re right. Forcing the issue that one has to be greater or better than the other. The mindset in this is what we would call EITHER/OR. It’s the idea that one of those two albums has to be better than the other; that they could not possibly both be great. Or that yes, they can both be great, but one has to be even greater!! And so it goes….

Allow me to encourage you to consider that there’s possibly another alternative.

Let’s go back to my friend, Ken.

Several years ago we were building houses in Juarez, Mexico. We stopped at a food stand on the side of the road one day after working. While most of us ordered the standard street tacos - which were always amazing, by the way - Ken ordered a hamburger. Yes, that’s right - a hamburger. Like my teenager ordering chicken nuggets at the Mexican food restaurant. We were all giving Ken grief, until he bit into this hamburger and changed both our lives forever. His eyes got big. He looked at me and said, “You’ve got to take a bite of this. It’s incredible!” I wasn’t buying it at first. It’s a hamburger. I’m from America. We teach other countries how to make hamburgers. But Ken persisted. So I finally indulged. And my life has never been the same. 

Overcome with palatable bliss, and desperate to discover what it was that made this particular roadside burger so delicious, we decided to look under the bun. In complete and utter astonishment, what we found redefined our definition of a hamburger forever. 

It was…a hot dog.

That’s right. A good, old-fashioned hot dog. I don’t know if it was Oscar Meyer, Hebrew National, or some nasty cross the border hot dog company I’ve never heard of. I just know it was amazing.

Fast forward to last night.

I was at the lake with our students. We were having hot dogs and hamburgers. I was standing there behind 2 teenagers who were wrestling with that age-old dilemma: Should I have a hot dog…or a hamburger? I quickly stepped in - as any pastor should - and evangelized them. I showed them the Burger Dog. (And yes, it should be capitalized!) I liken this to Obi Wan showing Luke the ways of the force. What I was really showing them was that it doesn’t always have to be EITHER/OR. 

What if sometimes it can be BOTH/AND?

What if you can have BOTH a hamburger AND a hot dog?

What if the right thing is BOTH a brownie AND ice cream on top of it?

What if BOTH Pyromania AND Hysteria are great GREAT albums? (I know, right.)

And what if it can be bigger, deeper, and way more important than that?

What if we can BOTH speak the truth AND love people at the same time?

What if loving them actually meant telling them the truth?

What if we can be BOTH concerned about illegal immigration AND compassionate toward immigrants?

I could go on and on, but you get the picture. 

Dan & Chip Heath, in their book Decisive, put forth this challenge: “When life offers us a ‘this or that’ choice, we should have the gall to ask whether the right answer might be ‘both’.”

Here’s the thing: this isn’t always the case. Sometimes…BOTH/AND isn’t an option.

Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

To find salvation, there isn’t BOTH Jesus AND ______________. It’s just Jesus.

For your soul to be truly satisfied, it isn’t BOTH Jesus AND money. It’s just Jesus.

To find hope in this life, it’s not BOTH Jesus AND security or success. It’s seriously just Jesus.

But let’s talk about Jesus for a minute.

Jesus BOTH forgave the woman caught in adultery AND told her, “Go and sin no more.” He had great compassion and mercy, while also correcting and rebuking.

Jesus BOTH put mud on the man’s eyes AND told him to “Go, wash…” himself. He fills us and empowers us through His Spirit, but still expects us to act and step out in faith.

Sometimes, it’s clearly EITHER/OR. But maybe other times, it’s BOTH/AND.

Slow down. Think outside the box. Ask the Lord for wisdom and perspective. It might just change the way you look at the world. And you might just discover the next Burger Dog. 

The Great Cultural Epidemic of this Generation

Next time you’re out to eat, if you want to find where the teenagers are sitting, just look around. They’re hard to miss. Heads down. Eyes glued to their phones. Almost unaware of each other’s presence. It’s honestly bizarre. If a group of my 15-year old friends had peeked into the future and seen a group of 15-year old friends today, physically all together, yet somehow on different electronic planets, I honestly believe we would have thought we were looking at zombies. 

But to be fair, I don’t know that we can single out the teenagers on this.

Because in many cases you’ll find the exact same picture and scenario with a group of adults. Even husbands and wives. Heads down. Eyes glued to their phones. Almost unaware of each other’s presence. It’s quite sad.

In many cases and situations, my kids are the weirdos. We don’t allow phones at the table. Very often it seems like we’re the only ones. And we not only have a hard time enforcing this rule with them; it’s just as difficult policing ourselves on it. We have all been drawn in, mesmerized, drugged, and are now full fledged addicts. I know you’ve sensed the tension. You’ve read the data and statistics. You’ve felt guilty, and at the same time, pleasured. And yes, I mean pleasured. We all seem to be on this endorphin-firing ride together. So everything I’m about to say to you is out of empathy, participation, and self-indictment. With all that said, let me throw out a monumentally important question for all of us to consider in this moment in history:

WHAT THE HECK ARE WE DOING?!!!

We’re allowing our kids to become the walking dead.

We’ve put access to porn right into the hands of our teenage boys.

We’re watching our girls unknowingly feed the beast of self-loathing because it’s disguised as self-worth.

We are failing to teach our kids how to communicate with & relate to other human beings.

We can’t remember or recall anything because we’ve just allowed ourselves to Google it.

We have succumbed to the most lazy form of behavior modification in history.

Here it is in blunt force black & white:

We are teaching (by allowing) our kids to gratify their flesh rather than to satisfy their souls.

And the #1 reason and way that we are teaching them this is by doing it ourselves.

We are becoming the walking dead.

We don’t think something has actually happened unless we’ve “posted” about it. And then, once we’ve posted about it, we’re not actually gratified by what we did or where we went or who we were with (which we’ve proven with our pic) until a whole bunch of other people Like it. I don’t really even believe I’m typing this. It sounds so utterly bizarre, which is what makes it so much more ridiculous and sad.

Can I encourage & exhort you with what I’ve sensed the Lord admonishing me with lately?

Let’s be fully present. Right there. Where we are. What we’re doing. Who we’re with. Fully live it.

Give your kids all your attention. I mean, be reckless! Get on the floor with them, go have a catch in the backyard, get in the pool or in the ocean, drink that milkshake and eat that pizza, watch that movie, and have an absolute blast without worrying about what everyone else is doing or if anyone else even knows or cares!

Know that every moment I neglect being fully present, someone else or something else is discipling my kids. And whatever that something else, we can wager that it won’t be discipling our kids to walk with Jesus.

If your teenager has a cellphone or tablet or device of any kind, CHECK IT! Go through it. Let them be totally aware that that device actually belongs to YOU and that they’re gaining the privilege to use it. And that you are going to scour every app, every text, every search, every nook & cranny of that phone because if you don’t, the Lord is going to hold you accountable. And yes, He is.

If your kid has a cellphone, I would encourage you to totally rethink that. If your kid can't do pre-algebra yet, I don't think she should be on Instagram or Snapchat. 

This is the great cultural epidemic of this generation. The only way we can keep them from drinking the Kool-Aid is to stop drinking it ourselves! As of this moment, we are our own kid's drug dealer. I'm not OK with that.

I want to highly recommend to you Andy Crouch’s book, The Tech-Wise Family. I’m reading it right now, and when I’m done I’m going to have our entire family read it together. The book begins with Andy's 16-year old daughter explaining, “Tech-wise parenting has added wonder to my life…. The real world is so fantastic that getting a taste of it makes even the most jaded kid want more.” If that doesn’t grab your attention and suck you in, I’m not sure what will.

I also encourage you to find friends - other parents - who are fed up and ready to do something about it. Hold each other accountable. Encourage one another. Give each other ideas and support. And don’t give up!

Jesus said, “Where your treasure is there your heart will be also.”

What is getting the most of our time? Our attention? What are we treasuring? 

Whatever (or whoever) it is…that’s what we worship. That’s where our heart is.