Don't start with "5 Love Languages".
Don't go through "Love & Respect".
Stop looking for the latest book, study, or conference to fix things. Don't spend another minute trying to treat the symptoms when you can go to war against the disease itself.
Allow me to give you some potentially life-changing advice.
Saving Your Marriage Starts HERE:
"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, anyaffection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." (Philippians 2:1-11)
If you want your marriage to heal, you have to humble yourself.
If you want what's broken to be restored, you have to start with you.
If you want to lead your home (husband) like Jesus calls you to lead your home and like He modeled for you to lead, then you have to DIE to yourself.
If you want your home, your marriage, your spouse, and your family to be filled, you have to empty yourself.
Forgiveness is not possible without humility.
Restoration is not possible without humility.
Grace and mercy are not accessible without humility.
Salvation would not be available without humility.
Jesus chose humility. This must be our choice as well.
The first "love language" you need to speak is called DIE TO SELF.
Some of you have forgotten why you started fighting in the first place. You're now just consumed with winning - with the false fantasy of one day being crowned the "winner" of a perpetual, sin-born, death-ridden argument that no one even remembers anymore.
You're drowning in entitlement.
You're faking it in front of everyone and yet, everyone knows you're faking it.
You've literally sacrificed authenticity at the altar of appearances.
There is only one place to begin:
Seek the Lord. Humble yourself. Die to your rights. Forgive your spouse. Save your family. Seek accountability. Confess your garbage. Allow someone to walk with you and speak truth into your life and your marriage.
Husband, love your wife as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself up for her.
"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same."