July 20, 2011

Just For Men (Part 1)

Disclaimer 1: This blog is aimed at no one person. No friend or acquaintance inspired (or provoked) these thoughts or words. So if you read this and wonder, "Is he talking about ME?", No. He is not. This is for ALL men.

Disclaimer 2: Ladies, This post is addressed to men. It is for men to read. But it is also for you - so that you don't have to be the one to say these things. (Or maybe because you're not willing to.) Either way, you probably don't want to read this, but (I hope) you'll be glad I wrote it.

Guys: There are some things that I think all men need to know. And most of these aren't going to be super-spiritual - or spiritual at all! Some of them are (or should be) common knowledge, but it's obvious and apparent that that's not the case. So I'm taking the liberty of sharing some things I think we all should know. If you disagree, great! Would love to hear about it. Hopefully you'll find one golden nugget of semi-mind-blowing proportion in this that will change things a bit for you. (And also note: I have no interest in you becoming the next metrosexual casualty. But it's time we understand that being a MAN doesn't mean you need to be a foul-mouthed, un-groomed barbarian.) Either way, here we go.

1. NO woman wants to know that you trim your EAR & NOSE HAIR - but even more so, they don't want to know that you don't! Some of you may be thinking, "I don't have any hair sticking out of my nose or ears!" Great! But someday, you probably will. And NO ONE wants to see it! That's the reason they make these things called Ear & Nose Trimmers. They're not geniuses; it's just their way of telling us, "Hey buddy. We don't want to see that!"

2. Take care of your FEET! This will not be the manliest thing you ever do. And I'm not telling you to bring it up in the locker room or at the barber shop. But if any other human being besides you has to look at, smell, touch, or be in the same room as your nasty feet, do something about them. They make a thing called a FOOT FILE - it's like sandpaper on a tongue depressor. Buy one. Go on the back porch. Use it. [Repeat] Get the 8 years of dead skin off your feet and - prepare yourself for this one, you big sissy - put some lotion on those bad mommas! Remember: In Jesus' day the thing they took most care of was their feet. So if you're wondering WWJD...? He would tell you the same thing!

3. Stop talking like you're still in high school. Allow me to be more specific: YOU AREN'T IN HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE! I know, it was cool to fling all sorts of profanity and expletives out there just to get people's attention and create some shock value. The shock has worn off. Seriously. Your use of the F-Bomb or "@#$%*!" in a sentence does nothing other than make you look like an undereducated idiot. And you're not an undereducated idiot! (At least I don't think you are.) So don't talk like one.

What would you add to the list? 
More to come....


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