There's this new idea floating around (which is just an old idea packaged up in different paper) that as a Christian I can self-determine that another Christian has become "toxic". That there's a brother or sister whose decisions or choices have moved them outside of the realm of the level of grace, mercy & forgiveness that I've been allowed & allotted to divvy out. I’ve seen and heard this out of other people’s mouths…and I’ve witnessed it running through my own heart and mind as well. This is not of God. This is not of Jesus. This is not Biblical.
Jesus didn't give any sub categories, asterisks, sidenotes, or escape routes for John 13:34-35. He said, "The world will know you are my disciples by your love for one another."
Matthew 5:23-24 & Matthew 18:15-17 were mandates that were to be exhaustively pursued before ever entertaining the idea of severing a relationship with another child of God.
Jesus went after the lost sheep to bring them back home. He said he would leave the 99 to go after the 1. At times, it seems as though we want to gather the 99 and tell them, “It’s just better that he left. Just let him go.”
Is there a "toxic" person out there? Most certainly there is. Are there people who claim the name of Jesus over their lives while walking as reprobate sinners? I'm sure there are. But if we reach the point of divisively & decisively removing a person from our lives, should it not be only after making every attempt to either lead them to repentance or lead us both to reconciliation?
If you and I choose to humbly & lovingly "part ways" because of major theological differences - issues of essential orthodoxy - that might be a healthy decision. But if you and I ultimately walk away from one another because one of us has relationally wounded the other - because pride or bitterness hinders us from repairing the fractures in our friendship – then we are an awfully sad lot.
You and I don't get to "wash our hands of one another". When we choose that route we're not following Jesus. We're following Pilate.
Pilate washed his own hands: "I'll have nothing to do with this or with you."
In that climactic moment the night before Jesus went to the cross, when he could have and should have washed his hands of the delinquents and the repeat offenders, he instead did something else. He got down on his knees and washed the betrayer's feet: I still love you.
Pilate washed hands. Jesus washed feet.
Why do we give up so easily?
Why are we so quick to wash our hands instead of wash each other's feet?
Why are we so fragile and easily offended?
How does the cup of grace that the Lord fills on our behalf run dry so quickly that we have none left to pour out on others?
We are ministers of reconciliation. (See 2 Corinthians 5:11-21)
We are agents of forgiveness. (See Matthew 18:21-35)
If there are some among us who have wandered back into the land of the "toxic", may we have the Christ-centered, Spirit-filled perseverance, courage, and determination to go in after them. And may we remember, when the fear of being poisoned by the toxic overwhelms us, that we were once the poison ourselves.
May those of us called to “shine like stars in the universe” remember that we were once darkness. (See Ephesians 5:8)
May we love like you, Lord Jesus. Help us.