April 14, 2008

Facing My Fear

Fear. It's a powerful thing. It can grip our will and completely paralyze our life. It hits us all at different times for different reasons. And if we allow it, it will take control. As a child of God, we can't allow this to happen.

As I'm learning more every day, courage is NOT the absence of fear, but the willingness to face my fear...and act anyways. As Mark Batterson says in In a Pit With a Lion On a Snowy Day, it's the determination to "do what's right regardless of the circumstance or consequence." I want to have courage. Don't you?

In posing the question to others, "What are you afraid of?", I've had to ask myself the same question. In searching my heart over this one I've come to the conclusion that the fear that seems to grip me the most is this fear of something happening to my children. Even though most people - especially those with children - would sympathize with this sentiment, I'm not satisfied with just allowing myself this very vague excuse for inner trembling. I've been trying to figure this out - what is it exactly that I'm afraid of when it comes to my kids? I think I'm beginning to put my finger on it.

First of all, I'm afraid of my children not knowing the One who created them, redeems them, and longs to be known by them. Even though I say I trust God's promises in this regard, I start to doubt them deep down. And I am also afraid that if something happened to me, my children won't know who I am - that they would not know who I was or how much I loved them or their Mom. I guess it's a fear of being forgotten. I know, it sounds pathetic and sad...but that's what it looks like in the dark caverns of our closets sometimes.

So, what do I do to remedy this? Is there something I can do to fight this fear? Well, it may not sound like much, but I've found one outlet to wage war and courageously fight. I've started a journal. This journal is used for me to tell my kids about the magnificence and faithfulness of God; to tell them about who I am, what I believe, and how much I love them. I find myself writing down things that they've said and done that I know they won't remember when they're older. And one day, either because I decide the time is right or because (by default) my exit from this world makes the determination for me, my 2 children will be given this sporatic, yet heartfelt account of all things their Dad deemed important enough to tell them.

Again I ask, "What are you afraid of?" Failure? Financial misfortune? Cancer? Losing the one you love most? Could we possibly list all the possibilities? Probably not. But if you're truly willing to ask yourself the question, God will most certainly reveal the answer to you. And if you so choose, you can admit it...FACE it...and overcome it. That, my friend, is courage.

Dig Deeper
2 Timothy 1:7
Daniel 3
Psalm 34:1-9

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